Since I had several comments about caffeine addiction in response to my post last Friday, I wanted to explore this a little bit more specifically today.
I have been absolutely, unconditionally addicted to caffeine. At one time in my life, I was literally drinking 1-3 20 oz. lattes from my favorite book/coffee shop as I worked 10-12 hour days, 6 days a week, for several months. Some of those drinks were ordered with an extra shot of espresso, when they already contained 2 or3 shots.
If you don’t know espresso, it is basically a highly concentrated form of coffee. According to the Caffeine Awareness website, 1 oz. of espresso has about 40 mg of caffeine, and I was drinking a minimum of 120 in each drink!
And I found that I could NOT make it through a day without at least 1 drink. I justified the cost with the overtime pay I was earning working those crazy hours, but didn’t know how bad it was until the overtime began to slow down (thankfully) and I found I still NEEDED the caffeine buzz.
And OH the painful withdrawal. It was painful. One of my comments last week mentioned feeling like she had the flu – and oh my word I can remember that… The headaches, the body aches & pains, the tremors and mood swings. It went on for weeks because I wasn’t really paying attention to the problem.
But then I realized how much money I’d been spending on coffee drinks every day. And how I wasn’t sleeping well. And how my general mood had changed. And it dawned on me that I was, in fact, addicted to caffeine.
And I had to go cold turkey.
It was VERY hard to do. My coworkers, for whom I would often make a coffee run for and just so happen to get a coffee for myself, were still drinking their coffee. I would cave and have a coffee drink and then I would pay for it because it made me feel sick.
So I had to break free of coffee entirely for some time. I drank brewed tea occasionally and pop, but I even noticed the up and down effects they would have on me and limited myself.
It took me awhile before I was able to enjoy a coffee drink - just one coffee drink – again without the “NEED” for it or the after effects. This is how alcoholics talk about alcohol. How drug addicts talk about their substance of choice. How gamblers talk about their habit. It was scary to realize I had a serious problem with CAFFEINE.
So, even now, there are times when I feel that need for the “buzz” from coffee. But even that diminished during and after my pregnancy with Georgie. I couldn’t stand the smell of coffee for many months, and it took awhile to enjoy the taste, so I avoided it for quite awhile. And then after she was born, with her colicky behavior and my postpartum depression, I slipped into that need to “use” caffeine again.
I’m not trying in any way to diminish the struggle that addicts have with alcohol, drugs, money, sex or anything else. And yet I know that the same thing that draws them to their addiction, drew me to mine. And I have to be aware.
I can drink coffee, and usually drink 1-2 11.25 oz coffees at home every day. Usually 1, but sometimes 2. And I can tell when I feel the “need” kick in and know that I have to switch to drinking something else or I’ll be taking a step in the wrong direction. I also know that tea generally has even less caffeine than coffee and will switch to that so I’m not feeling the buzz.
It’s when I rely on my coffee to “wake me up” or “give me energy” that I know it’s not about drinking coffee, but about feeling the NEED for something… And the caffeine buzz is just the substitute – a weak substitute – in an attempt to satisfy a craving for something deep inside me that aches and longs for satisfaction…
Tomorrow, check back to learn more about addiction, and stay tuned. I’ll be sharing more about addiction and my struggle with FOOD addiction…
photo credit: selma90
About Debbie T
Welcome to my blog. Grab a latte and settle in for a good read! I'm Debbie - aka The Queen Mommy. I'm really just a Right-Brained woman who loves God, her husband, and her three children. I This means I'd rather write than clean... I enjoy writing about family & home, faith & life, marriage & parenting, food & addiction. I do participate in affiliate programs and use affiliate links and graphics throughout my blog. If you follow a link and make a purchase, I may make a small commission to help support my family at home. Click here for my Disclosure Policy.
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Oh man…. been there and done that, Debbie! I went to a college writers workshop the summer of my Jr year. There just happened to be a Starbucks in the student center… right next to the computer lab. The withdrawls… ay yi yi! The headaches! I have migraines now, but that, I think, was worse. And the sluggishness, nausea, and aches. It was horrible! I totally sympathize with you! I was 16 at the time and it was awful! Totally up there with horrendous morning sickness! And I have had that too, friend. Icky poo!
For me, coffee addiction is one of the hardest thing to quit. The best way to cure your coffee addiction is to gradually minimizing your coffee intake. Cold turkey doesn’t always work. The withdrawal symptoms is what makes coffee addicts give in. My advice, be a coffee lover, not a coffee addict.