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Sep

My mom has been here for 3 days this week – cooking up a STORM and filling my freezer with cooked meat and a few meals.

One of my food aversions during pregnancy has always been raw meat. Can’t stand the sight, smell, or feel of it. GAG! So she has been cooking up all kinds of chicken and beef and getting my freezer stocked. We can start eating more than PB & J or fruit smoothies for supper!

YAY!

Both girls have loved all their time with Nana and its been nice to be able to put my feet up when I need to and she’ll go check on the girls and the loud racket upstairs…

We also got to sort through the girls’ clothes and get rid of the “too small” and replace them with the “growing into”. Except for Curly who has grown out of almost EVERYTHING. It’s a blessing she has uniforms for school, cuz now we’ve got to get her a few more casual outfits to wear on the weekends through fall into winter. Hopefully “Santa” can help replenish her wardrobe, too. lol

My energy level is coming and going. That’s better than being entirely GONE, but still hard to keep up with the girls most days. They are quite energetic, and on a good day I’m chasing them around – but between my age and their ages & energy level – it’s been pretty exhausting all in all.

I am feeling pretty good otherwise. As the heat diminishes, the nausea I feel (mostly in the afternoons when it’s just unbearably hot) is also diminishing. THAT is a relief! I’ve not been sick like I was with the girls – but it has kept me immobile at times, so I’m looking forward to some cooler weather and maybe even getting out and enjoying the days more!

This is Curly’s first FULL week of regular school and she’s been pretty tired. She’s making new friends and reviewing things she’s learned at Mommys Day Out and Pre-K. Yesterday, she missed “mommy” – and that made me feel good, although I don’t want her to miss me too much so she can enjoy school!

Georgie & I are starting to enjoy some one on one time together. Its been so nice. She’s such a funny kid – if demanding at times – and I think we’re already bonding in a new way – that feels really great.

We’ve got some shopping to do today and then Nana will head home. But we get to have Chicken Enchiladas alá Nana for supper tonight. YUMMO!!! And all I have to do is turn the oven on. NICE!

Category: Family, blogging Leave a Comment

Aug

Getting Ready…

queenmommy

School is getting into full swing around here. Some schools in the state started last week – and most in our area are starting today and tomorrow.

Curly is a “Kindergarten Girl” and she is ALL. KINDS. OF. EXCITED!

We pulled her out of the Christian school (for a variety of reasons) and she’ll be starting at a local Catholic school. The great thing about this school is that it’s only a couple of blocks away and she gets to go more than 3 hours a day! She is very excited about getting started – she’s quite the social butterfly. We are not Catholic, so we will address our faith with her at home, but the education is really excellent and having her so close is going to be really great.

Georgie – may be starting Preschool. She is my free spirited – don’t put me in a box – kind of girl. Think Anne of Avonlea… She is very bright, but keeping her still is a real challenge, and she’s going to need a good teacher who can capture her attention and work with her learning style. Which is – I’ll dance around while you talk and be able to recite the answers verbatim… sigh.

Since I haven’t been sleeping extremely well of late, I am dreaming of a few morning naps to come. LOL… And a LOT of SERIOUS cleaning out.

My theme this summer & fall is: SIMPLIFY. It’s not just a theme, it’s like a directive from God. He’s been calling me to get rid of a lot of the extraneous stuff – and for good reason. When life rocks your boat, you figure out what is most important and that’s what you cling to. It’ll be easier to get rid of the myriad of toys that never get played with – and to unload the flotsam and jetsam…

Category: Kids, School One Comment

Aug

Writing about Addiction

queenmommy

It is not my intent to write – in detail – the nature of my husband’s struggles or the specific difficulties we have faced in our marriage. It is not my place to air out my personal grievances here – and this is not a place that will become a battleground or weapon of destruction.

Rather, my intent and my focus when writing about addiction, will be about MY journey and what many wives and spouses go through when addiction overtakes life.

I am by no means a victor over my battle with food. I struggle to eat food simply for fuel, and find more often than not, I’m stuffing my face with something and realize I’m Not Even Hungry…

That is not a free pass to rely on food for comfort or emotional satisfaction. I have to be conscious in all I do and in every step I take, and when I am not, I so easily fall into living a fake life.

THAT is the nature of addiction.

It is a facade, a mirage, a promise that will never be fulfilled.

And my struggles with my own addiction are often as painful as facing the difficulties that arise from my husband’s addiction.

This will not be a gossip column. This will not be a place to air out my complaints. I will refrain – as much as humanly possible – from belittling or deconstructing my husband here.

But I will talk about the pain. And I will talk about the struggle to breathe. And I will talk about the burden of struggling with my own addiction, as well as the addictions of my closest companion in life.

It won’t overtake this blog.

But it is something I will write about in the future.

Category: Addiction, Family, Marriage One Comment

Aug

Living with Addiction. Living with an Addict.

queenmommy

I’ve written about my Food Addiction before, and you can find my posts about it in my Queen Size Mommy section.

But I also live with an addict.

An addict whose choices have affected every aspect of our home and family.

While I walk a fine line of choosing NOT to air out dirty laundry and be as honest as I can, it’s necessary to talk about how addiction has affected my life and my marriage. I do not write this to be disparaging – but honestly because I know if I live with this, I am NOT the only one. And so often being the wife of an addict is very isolating and draining.

I do not write this to engage sympathy, because I have my own issues and I have my own dysfunctional behaviors that contribute to the problems in my life and in my marriage.

However, the problems that arise from being married to an addict are often confusing and difficult to navigate.

On one hand, I’m supposed to be a submissive wife. Scripture clearly indicates this truth. Repeatedly.

On the other hand, how can I enable the behaviors that help him live so easily in his addiction? Submission often contributes to these behaviors… And yet there are no excuses in Scripture.

It’s a very fine line and it’s been one I have been dancing on for years.

It requires great wisdom and Scripture says if we want wisdom to ask of God. I have been asking and begging for change. I have been asking God to change me and even railing against the fact that after great personal struggle and transformation, there were no changes in my husband.

And his addiction continues.

One thing I do know is that nothing comes into my life – of my own doing and consequence, or of anyone else’s – that does not pass through God’s Hand. And ultimately, His Will prevails.

Another thing I know is that God always seeks redemption. Always. He is relentless in His pursuit of a personal, intimate relationship with every single human being, and because I know that, I have to trust that God wants that just as much for my husband as he does for me. Or you.

I have studied addiction. I have studied God’s Word. And I have a God who is greater than Impossible.

While my husband pursues recovery – finally – and while I pursue my own walk with God – for that IS the only “cure” – it is a hard road to travel. I don’t feel like blogging. I don’t feel like eating. I don’t feel like showering or lifting my head off the pillow sometimes. I don’t feel like being a mom at times.

But God knows what I need, and my prayer is that He will direct my steps every day. And bring redemption to my family.

Category: Addiction, Marriage 5 Comments

Aug

Houston, We have a Food Dye Allergy

queenmommy

This is still pretty new to me, but I’m pretty positive that Georgie is allergic to Red Dye #40.

Anything that is red or pink probably has Red 40, but not exclusively. Red 40 is one of the most common dye additives to many common foods such as chips, crackers, beverages, cheese, chocolate cake mix, even meats and vegetables!

Although we have yet to confirm this with her doctor, and allergy testing for food dyes is very difficult, her behavior after consuming red fruit punch is astonishing. I had started noticing it in the past few months, and without thinking, filled a cup with 1/2 water and 1/2 red punch. First thing she did when she sat down at the table to eat was guzzle about 1/4 of what was in the cup. Within just a couple of minutes – she was OFF. THE. HOOK.

She couldn’t sit still, she was spinning & dancing, she was yelling and jumping, and she acted as if she couldn’t even hear us. She didn’t eat a bite, even though she hadn’t eaten for hours. While it could be attributed somewhat to sugar, it is the same kind of behavior that occurs while drinking ANYTHING red – sugar free or not.

So I’m going to do an experiment – at the risk of our sanity – by offering her some sugar free Grape drink mix. Yep, it contains Red 40.

Anybody out there have any experience with food dye allergies / intolerances? I’ve just started researching and found a few websites that offer some explanations of other children who experience the same kind of disconnect in behavior after consuming food containing a dye they are allergic to!

Red Dye Free

Kake

Red40

Oh, and by the way, according to THIS article, Red 40 has been approved for use by the FDA, but when sprayed on weeds is effective as a PESTICIDE.

HELLO!!!

So, at our next well visit – we’re going to be discussing this in as much detail as we can, and I’ll be reading labels a LOT in the near future.

Any advice or recommendations you can offer is surely welcome!!!

Category: Food, Kids 2 Comments

Aug

Do you have a “Difficult” Child?

queenmommy

I’ve been wondering how to approach this topic because it is not an easy subject to write about. I read this article at ehomebody.com, and after reading my friend Amy’s post about her son Ian, thought I should write about my experience with a “difficult” child.

Curly has always been our easy-going, happy child. She slept all night long from about our 3rd night home from the hospital – she was easy to feed, easy to entertain, easy to take care of and easy to love. She is bright and sunny and I call her my “Sunflower” – she just has that disposition that makes everybody smile.

And then came Georgie.

Fussy. Irritable. Sensitive. Demanding. Needy. NON-sleeper.

For the first 18 months of her life (where I was also attending school online and working full-time for the first 9 months) – I was a complete zombie. She was demanding of my time and attention and I was left feeling completely incapable of taking care of her, let alone meeting her basic needs.

My postpartum depression did NOT help.

I thought when I came home full-time that things might ease up – maybe she just needed more attention. Maybe she needed more one on one. Maybe she needed more naps (I know I certainly did!)

But the intensity of her needs and demands really drained me. Honestly. I got concerned that maybe she was autistic or had Asperger’s and we investigated the signs and symptoms.

I call her my Sweetpea – sensitive and fragile…

Then I found an article by Dr. Sears that opened my eyes to the unique and wonderful world of the High Needs Child. I read an article 12 Features of a High Need Baby and CRIED WITH RELIEF!

She wasn’t broken. She wasn’t damaged. I wasn’t crazy. In fact – I discovered that Georgie was just really special.

She does not think or learn like a typical child. Where most people find themselves working to think and live “outside the box” – Georgie LIVES outside the box.

She is sensitive to sound and light. Always has been. She is sensitive to touch – and we often had to struggle to find the right fabric when she was an infant – because her skin was so sensitive. I had to carry her in a sling to keep her tightly close to me – because she simply can’t get close enough sometimes.

And she is terribly bright. Always watching. Always listening. Always soaking up EVERYTHING like a sponge.

Part of her irritability stemmed from her inability to communicate effectively. And for her, the introduction of sign language during infancy made a MAJOR difference in our everyday life. She would often SCREAM for hours – and leaving her to scream it out was completely ineffective with her. It only increased her NEED for comfort and security. She would get hysterical. And then I was hysterical and at my wits end.

When she learned a few basic signs like “hungry” or “sleepy” or “drink” – life got easier. And when she could speak, and she spoke early – she could finally TELL us what she needed. There was relief for all of us – including her.

There are moments – every single day – that she finds herself on the floor screaming and crying. Some of this is just because she’s a child and isn’t getting her way. But for her, I can say, “Georgie, I don’t know what you want or need when you’re screaming. You have to USE WORDS to tell me what you need.” And it is effective, even though she just turned 3.

We have to be very descriptive with her and provide words and meanings so she can then use them. And she does. Effectively.

A conversation with Georgie is often full of surprises and DEEP meaning. She lives intensely – she feels intensely – and helping her learn to identify and express her feelings, while teaching her to navigate life is really challenging. And that’s where the term “Difficult” comes in.

She is artsy – and our walls, doors, and dressers often show evidence of her NEED to color and draw and she can twirl beautifully about a room to any music (whether its a living room or a restaurant). She is moody – and some of that is just sheer genes, but they are intensified in her to the Nth degree, which is challenging for all of us. She is empathetic – in a way that surprises many people, including us. She can sense a mood before a lot of us even get an idea that something is going on. She is fearless – in that breathtaking way that threatens to stop a mother’s heart. She is lovely – in ways that I can’t even put into words sometimes.

It’s not that SHE is difficult in the sense that she has problems. It’s that it is often difficult to get OUTSIDE myself and what I think I know about being a mother. I have to mother her so creatively and so differently than Curly – and it is DIFFICULT for me to do that as well as I should. She is crushed by yelling – and I’m a yeller… I have to die more to myself with Georgie than anybody else I know, including my husband.

A relationship with Georgie is not like a relationship with anybody else. I can’t just mother “off the cuff” with her. I have to be very intentional and thoughtful in every single interaction with her – and that is what is difficult. I can’t just do a halfway job and hope for the best. All kids deserve a fully invested mom – but she requires it…

So I don’t really have a “difficult” child. I have a very special child who challenges me to be more and better than I really am…

Category: Kids, Life, Parenting 4 Comments

Jul

Polished Cornerstones – Back Into The Groove – Honest!

queenmommy

So for the past few weeks, our Polished Cornerstones projects went by the wayside in the face of major papers and finals for college classes. The reality was that every minute I could spare was spent on school work. Everybody and everything suffered. Last week, I spent much of the week resting and catching up on housework. Focusing on schoolwork kept my eyes blind to cobwebs on my ceiling, gunk buildup on my kitchen floor, and much more. No pictures available…

So this week, I’m focusing on An Honest Woman. There have been some issues with lying in the past couple of weeks, and although Curly learned the Ten Commandments during the Summit Life Action Conference, we need to review what God has to say about being honest.

That’s our focus for this week. Our projects tend to be very simple – and we’re going to work on a Chores Chart for each girl, too. That will reinforce Honesty and good work. Keeping it VERY simple for all our sakes. We’ll be talking through stories about when we have been honest and when we have been dishonest, and what that means. The suggested project to make a “journal of excuses” is one we are working on, too, although it will be more like a Paper than a Journal – but we’re working through excuses and blaming others when we need to take responsibility.

Category: Faith, Kids, Polished Cornerstones 3 Comments