I read a sign while shopping the other night and it has stuck with me. It read: Mommy is One Rank Higher than Queen. That meant something to me personally and I may have to negotiate to purchase that for myself as a reminder of the thought process that followed… I began to roll around those 3 titles:
Mommy, Queen, and Queen Mommy.
You know, I am a planner. Maybe you didn’t know that. But it’s something about me that is pretty much a very SERIOUS part of me. I really like to get some pens, pencils, colored pens, highlighters – several kinds of printables (weekly, monthly, etc.) and write down my planning. I like to make lists, set goals, schedule appointments – and then highlight and color code so I can stay on top of my responsibilities. And when I can get the hour or two every week to be able to do just this – my weeks pass by with less stress, less forgetfulness, and way more comfort.
But my planning time does not always happen – and most days I’m racing out the door feeling like I’ve forgotten something, not able to find my keys at the bottom of my bag and shushing my kids while they pile screaming into the van.
My planning – the recording and color coding – gives me a sense of control in a life that is otherwise simply out – of – control.
You can make all kinds of suggestions – and some I might even take into consideration. But it’s this thing in me – that my planner actually makes me feel like I have it all together. When in reality, I have NO control over what is coming in the next 5 minutes! I need to record appointments and events to help my family and stay on top of getting family members where they need to be at the correct time. I need to remember items to buy at Walmart or Kroger, and I need to know when I spoke to so-and-so about turning on or off the power (depending on which house I’m referring to). I need to remember which child has a doctor’s appointment next week, and when the other child starts volleyball camp.
But I cannot control whether or not a cat will run out in front of the van on the way to school, causing a small uproar and hurting to tender hearts. Who STILL don’t like to drive that same way every morning and beg me to NOT hit any more cats.
It’s really easy for me to get caught up in my planning and FORGET how important it is for me to be a Mommy. My planning does not make me a good mommy. But much like a Queen, I need to know what is going on and how things should be managed. But not at the risk of damaging my relationships with my kids.
All for the sake of the purple inked – yellow highlighted calendar notation.
I have forgotten at times that MOMMY is a far more important, meaningful, and relational role I’ve been given, than my Queen-Manager nature lives out. I lose my perspective and think that my PLANNING weighs more heavily than my PARENTING. That it holds more meaning and purpose.
I’ve been encouraged a LOT lately by some really awesome mommy bloggers who have been here – who have felt these same things and come to these same realizations – and come out better on the other side. That’s the journey I am on right now – and I am shedding a skin that has become too tight both for myself and for my family. That transformational process of moving from one house to another – where I’m completely at the mercy of a lot of circumstances – forces me to Let Go of my planning and focus on my family…
I don’t just want to be Queen, and I have to have some structure as Mommy – so I’m embracing QueenMommy in a whole new way!