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Jun

Complete Him Challenge – Our Wedding Day

Going to the chapel and we’re
Gonna get ma-a-a-aried!

So Roy & I were friends long distance for many years. We had an on again-off again “something more” several times, and it just never panned out. There were good reasons for it – and God’s timing was perfect in the way our relationship grew and changed.

So we met at college in Spring 1991. And we stayed in touch when we weren’t living in the same town throughout most of the following years. In 2002, around the Christmas holidays, we were starting to have more serious conversations and our relationship was deepening again.

And then it happened.

I don’t even remember WHAT happened or WHAT was said, but Roy said something and I heard it in a way that absolutely CRUSHED ME. And I was done. That was it. He had crossed a line and I was hurt and I wasn’t gonna wait around any more while he tried to figure out what to do with his life (yes, this is exactly what I thought)… I refused to take his phone calls or answer his emails. I think I even chose NOT to send him a Christmas card that year.

He made a few attempts to get in touch with me and I avoided him. So he gave up. And I “went on with my life” and tried to just forget him.

But God had some work to do inside my heart – and it took reading “The Power of a Praying Woman” to get to the point where God could get me where I needed to be. It was June 2003.

I was reading the chapter on “Dreams” and was reading how I needed to surrender my dreams to the Lord. ALL MY DREAMS. Well, my biggest dream – the dream I had since I can remember (literally) – was to be a WIFE and MOTHER. And God was asking me to surrender this dream to Him.

I was 33 years old – with no romantic prospects on the horizon. I was devastated and terrified. And I argued. I wrestled. For almost 24 hours I wrestled. I had thrown the book across the room when I felt God speaking to my heart. I cried and screamed and begged and pleaded. But He won.

And of course I felt instant PEACE.

The very next day, I got an email from Roy saying he really needed to talk to me. I was like – okay, I can do that. So he called me within the hour and said that God had really been working in his life and he had some things he’d been working through – and he was calling to tell me that he knew he loved me and that I was “THE ONE” for him, and he was putting me on notice (basically) that he was going to court me and woo me and someday he was going to marry me.

My jaw was ON. THE. FLOOR.

I was thinking – God, you are SO NOT FUNNY. What kind of sick joke is this?

But Roy continued. He said God had done some things in his life that needed changing, and when they changed, he realized that I was the woman for him and he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me.

I think I spoke 10 words during this conversation. I literally was in shock. And if you know me, speaking is NEVER a problem for me…

This must have been what Sarai felt to hear the Angel of the Lord say she was going to have a baby at her old age…

In October 2003, Roy came to visit and we went on our first official date. We thought we might get married in September of the following year.

In November 2003, I flew to Ohio to visit him and spend time with our families. Roy’s older brother was having many health issues and we felt like we needed to move up the wedding date.

On December 7, 2003, I became Roy’s wife. The wedding had been planned while I still lived in Missouri and he lived in Ohio. It was a BEAUTIFUL sunny day with a foot or two of pure white, glittery snow on the ground (but NOT the roads – I had prayed for that specifically). My brothers wives, Kym and Lyn, helped decorate the archway; my brother, Dan, played the music; my brother Dave escorted my mom in.

It was beautiful and lovely – and felt just like a fairy tale, and I was a fairy tale princess.

The pastor read from the book of Ruth:

Entreat me not to leave you,
Or to turn back from following after you;
For wherever you go, I will go;
And wherever you lodge, I will lodge;
Your people shall be my people,
And your God, my God. ¹⁷ Where you die, I will die,
And there will I be buried.
The LORD do so to me, and more also,
If anything but death parts you and me.

And my groom was so incredibly handsome. I can remember the feel of his hands and his beautiful green eyes and how he looked at me. Still makes my heart flip!

(I can’t believe it, but this is the ONLY good digital picture of us I have available! We have some great pics together, but not in digital form – guess that’s a project I should work on one of these days…)

Jun

Week 1: Completing Him Challenge – Dating – Updated!

queenmommy

It’s Week 1 of the Completing Him Challenge via Women Living Well. Writing about our “dating” experience could seriously take 3 days.

Roy & I met in 1991 at Bible college in Missouri. We were good friends, and then best friends, while we attended college, and even afterward. When he graduated and moved back to Ohio, we lost touch for awhile – but for years (and I mean for like 12 years), he and I sorta played tag in the “Are we Friends? Are We More than Friends?” game. Sometimes we got pretty close – even long distance – and started making plans for something serious – but the timing wasn’t right, and despite broken hearts and dreams sometimes – God had something different in mind.

I lived in Springfield, Missouri for over 10 years. It’s the longest I’ve ever lived anywhere in my life. And it was my first place – as a grown-up adult. I loved it there. But my dad’s health issues, combined with new nieces and nephews – were all brought into sharp focus on 9/11.

I was 12 hours away from my family when I saw the 2nd plane crash into the WTC building and when the news reports came in of a plane hitting the Pentagon. 12 hours didn’t seem like far enough some days – but on 9/11, it felt like a world away.

Roy was one of the first people in Ohio that I had a chance to visit with. My parents’ lines were tied up – my uncle worked at the Pentagon and I had NO CLUE what was going on with him. My brother, scheduled for a 6 month cruise in the Mediterranean, was certainly going to be shipped to a new destination – only nobody could get ahold of anybody else. It was AWFUL!

Roy was sorta my lifeline that day. I was the first to tell him about it via email – and eventually we talked by phone – but it was that day that I knew I had to start making some choices and move closer to my family. Although I always hoped (and felt in my heart) that something would develop with Roy that would become more serious, I really wasn’t sure if it would ever happen.

And then – one day during a conversation – I got incredibly angry about something he said. We shot back very heated emails and I decided that I was done waiting around for him to make up his mind and said “Phooey!” He tried to call but I wouldn’t answer the phone and wouldn’t reply to his emails. He got the hint quickly enough, and even though I chatted with him for a couple of minutes around Christmas, I was done nursing whatever shred of hope I had left waiting for him to be ready to be more serious.

more…

Category: Complete Him Challenge, Marriage Tags: Completing Him Challenge, Dating, Marriage 5 Comments

Jun

I’m Late, but Jumping In with Both Feet, so to speak

queenmommy

So despite circumstances this week (read tomorrow’s post) – I really feel I need to jump into a new challenge with Courtney, from Women Living Well.

If you don’t know Courtney, you should take some time to get to know her. Courtney has been on the Rachael Ray show (seriously!) and shares a really counter-cultural life of living for her Lord – and her husband. If you are like me, you will probably be intrigued, impressed, challenged, motivated, fearful and much more. She is a mysterious woman – although she is pretty forthright and honest. Her mystery is in her mission…

Courtney just posted the COMPLETING HIM CHALLENGE this week, and although the post was supposed to go up June 7th, I didn’t even see it until today, so I’m jumping in now… =)

I’m nervous – but also know God has really been pressing on me to do more in – and about – my marriage. I DO want to become the woman and wife my husband needs (More posts on that to come – really!) And this challenge will motivate me and keep me accountable. If you want to join in (even if you don’t blog) hop on over to THIS POST and watch the video to find out how to participate…

Our First Date

So, every Monday, I’ll be participating. Hope you join in!

Category: Complete Him Challenge, Life, Marriage, Memes, Relationships Tags: Complete Him Challenge, Godly wife, Marriage Leave a Comment

Apr

Wifey Wednesday: Being Right or Doing Right

queenmommy

I’ll just admit right now that this is probably my BIGGEST battle in marriage, and its not a battle I fight with my husband. It’s the battle between my ridiculous need to BE RIGHT and my heart’s desire to DO RIGHT.

I don’t like being wrong – don’t like making mistakes – and certainly don’t like my opinions to go unnoticed… When I know I’m right, I don’t always want to just “let it go” – I want to BE RIGHT!

But the truth is, these little (usually) insignificant moments of discussion where I think I’m right tend to lead to bumps in the road in my marriage. They’re the stuff that makes working together HARD and sometimes impossible, because I dig in my heels, plant my feet and put my hands on my hips about something that is – more often than not – non essential to the value of our marriage relationship. more…

Category: Life, Marriage, Relationships, Wifey Wednesday Tags: Christian marriage, Marriage, Wifey Wednesday 4 Comments

Sep

Wife-ly Wednesday

queenmommy

I’m linking up with Sheila Gregoire’s To Love Honor and Vacuum meme – Wifey Wednesdays today!

I don’t write a whole lot about being a godly wife. I read a lot about being a godly wife – I pray about being a godly wife to Roy – but it’s an area I do not excel in. It’s hard for me to write about being honoring to our husbands, because it’s an area I struggle with.

I’m a take charge kind of gal – I was almost 34 when I got married – and I pretty well hung on to some ideas of independence that have been damaging to myself – and to my marriage.

I want to run to the next corner, while Roy wants to stop and enjoy the scenery. sigh.

I want to know what “our plan” for everything is, while Roy is more relaxed and wants to let things happen, weigh the options, consider our choices.

I’m so very impatient and “tap-my-foot” about so many things – and Roy is able to just take a lot of things as they come.

Our differences aren’t the problem.

My attitude is my problem!

My attitude is like the rudder for our family. Not that I can control the family – but MY attitude certainly steers and guides our family – sets the tone. And when my attitude stinks – look out!

When my attitude is wrong – it is based on my OWN desires and wants – and I see things going in a direction OPPOSITE of my desires and wants – I pout, I sulk, I get mad, I holler. I cry, I whine, I get angry.

And when God finally gets my attention – in whatever manner is necessary – sometimes I can turn around and see a path of destruction as big as a hurricane.

It all starts with a focus on ME.

And then I have to repent and seek forgiveness. I have to find humility and put it on like a robe and go to my husband and my daughters and tell them I know I was wrong and apologize and pray that they forgive me.

God never ever – nowhere in Scripture – says to take care of MYSELF before anyone else. God never ever – NOWHERE in Scripture – says if I take care of myself then I can take care of my family better. He never says to put my feelings, my wants, my desires, or my needs first. (If you can find where He says this – feel free to share.)

Can I be honest?

I don’t like that.

Ultimately – I’m selfish. I want to be able to say “I’m tired – I need to put up my feet and y’all can just give me some ‘me time’ so I can do my thing.”

Nope. A wife is called to be a servant. To be in submission to authority – God and my husband. To be obedient (yep – I choke on that word, too) to her husband. But Scripture doesn’t mince words about this, whether I like it or not.

I want to spend money without having to answer to ANYBODY. I want to make decisions without deferring to Roy’s opinion, suggestion, or advice. I want to go and do and not really have to be entirely accountable.

“Besides – HE’S not perfect, so why should I have to listen to him?“

ACK! Did you hear that? Um – my husband does NOT have to be perfect first before I submit to his authority. I am instructed to obey God – by submitting myself to my husband.

I’m not posting Scriptures here, because I’m going to point you to a post that lays out the truth with all the Scriptures that pierced my heart and convicted me down to my toes. I could rewrite it – but that is plagiarism. I could condense it, but miss something really important.

Instead – I’ll just ask you to read A Christian Wife Should Honor and Revere Her Husband for yourself…

The Word of God is the Message here. It’s not opinion – and it’s certainly not POPULAR opinion. It is TRUTH – and it is HIS TRUTH that will set us free… It’s a Truth I need to embrace and live out…

Category: Faith, Family, Home, Life, Marriage Tags: Christian marriage, Godly Womanhood, Marriage, submission 5 Comments

Jul

The BEST OF The Queen Mommy's Cafe…

queenmommy

I’m on a mini-vacation of sorts – visiting my parents for a couple of days – and thought I’d provide a list of some of the BEST OF The Queen Mommy’s Cafe Posts…

If YOU really enjoyed one that I missed here – let me know! You’re probably going to notice a theme of sorts as these progress…

My Husband Deserves A Parade!

Family Restrooms

The Zombie Queendom

Red Licorice (this post has zero comments, but STILL has several hits every month!)

At the Well – Standing for Your Marriage

CPR. It’s for Everyone

Ta-Da Tuesday! My Basic Home Notebook Forms (this is one of THE most popular posts on this blog. It still gets tons of hits every month – and I need to update it because I’ve changed several forms since it was written.)

Friday Favorites – Devotional Series, Teaporia, Mom Printables

Making Your Home Sing Monday: Honoring Dad

And last but not least, a recent (popular) post:

Here’s to Giving Up on Perfect! My Most Embarrassing Moment

Category: Faith, Family, Home, Life Tags: Best Of, Blog, blogging, Faith, Family, Favorites, Home, Life, Marriage, mom blogs, Most Popular, Parenting One Comment

Jun

From the Beginning…

queenmommy

“Transformation is not a light switch. It is a process.”

This is a statement our Pastor made in his sermon yesterday – and I could totally relate.

Just about two years ago, I was still pregnant with Georgie. I was working full-time and really loved my job. I had a lot of responsibility and it was challenging, rewarding work. I interacted with a wide variety of people – and my coworkers were Da Bomb!

Roy & I had been talking about how soon we might be able to manage my being at home full-time. We had several loans & bills that needed to be taken care of, and we hoped that within a year we could afford for me to stay home.

I developed gestational diabetes during my pregnancy, and despite the concerns, did not experience the energy-draining nausea I’d experienced with Curly. Just before I was to begin insulin injections at around the 37th week, I went into labor and she was born in July. more…